Is it really over?!?!

I have been training for and thinking about this half-marathon for so long now, that it is hard to believe that it is over. My body definitely knows it is over as I can barely move.:) I am going to try and be positive about the whole thing but I am my own worst critic and was truthfully VERY dissapointed in myself and my preformance in the race. 3 days before the race it started raining here thanks to Hurricane Ida. Because of all of the rain the regular race course was flooded and they had to come up with a new course. Running is a total mental thing for me. I was totally prepared mentally for the regular course. I had run all but 2 of the 13.1 miles previously and had success doing it. I had visualized myself crossing that finish line. I had pictured myself running at each mile marker. Then they changed the course. The new course was completely unfamiliar to me, and even more than that, it was ALL hills! The old course had about a 3-4 mile stretch of hills in the middle of it that I had prepared for and run with success... but 13.1 miles of hills!! Not sure what they were thinking with that one. Race day arrived. The weather was clear and just a little cloudy. I had planned to run in cold weather and Jon had bought me a really cute long-sleeved running top, but to throw another curve ball my way, the sun came out and they were calling for it to be in the 70's. There went the cute shirt.:( So feeling completely "un-cute" without my new top, we went to the race area. The new course was all hills like I said, but it was also structured so that we would have to run the same thing 3 times. When I have done my long runs, I have avoided repeating areas at all times... it just gets boring and seems longer than it is. Sorry, I know I said I was going to be positive and all I have done is whine... I guess I am just trying to take you on the mental journey of this race. We started on an uphill and I felt pretty good. I had my wonderful husband running next to me, and I was just going to go out and give it my best shot. I felt pretty good for the first half of the race. I declined water and gatorade at each point up until then, because in my training long runs I would often get cramps if I drank something. I did not take into account the fact that I usually ran in much cooler weather, without the sun beating down on me, and on a much flatter course. Around mile 7 I got a cramp in the center of my gut that made me want to just fall down. It hurt so bad. I got some gatorade and slowed to a walk trying to shake it off. It wasn't going away so then I got frustrated with myself and my shoulders and neck siezed up with the tension of it all. Poor Jon! He was trying to encourage me to try and run it off, but I just was in so much pain. Eventually I convinced him to keep going without me and I would follow behind and run when I could. I am a complete novice to running and especially to half-marathon's, so I know that I probably made every mistake in the book. Still worrying about cramping I passed up another water stop. I also passed on the GU that they were passing out because I had never tried running with that stuff before. I was so worried that it would make me sick. Now I am on my own on this hilly course and all I want to do is give up. I am just berating myself the whole time for being so mentally weak that I can't just suck it up and run. A guy from our church was out there running the race as well, and he had passed Jon and I at one point and said, "Even if you have to walk the whole thing, don't let this course beat you." So as I am walking along trying to get rid of the tension and cramp, and getting more and more frustrated, I am trying to let his voice win out over my own in my head. I ran with another girl for a bit, and then lo and behold, I see Jon walking towards me. He decided it wasn't very fun to run alone, so he was waiting for me and we were able to finish together. I was feeling really really horrible when I found him... light headed and weak... along with being so frustrated with myself. He encouraged me to get some GU and water and I was actually able to finish running. I am not proud of myself... not really. I am glad that it is over. I know that I can only get better. I know that I will not run that hilly course again. I know that I will pay better attention to my body which was sending me very signal that it was seriously dehydrated... so much so that the roof of my mouth is raw from it being so dry. Thankfully I was able to run more of it than I walked, so I can be proud of that. I wish that I wasn't so hard on myself, because a lot of people never even attempt a half-marathon. I guess that I just need to get tougher mentally. I have a couple of pictures that I will post sometime soon. I am waiting on ones that people took after the race when we finally finished. I will also post pictures of our beautiful birthday girls celebration. I just wanted to get this half-marathon update on here. Thanks so much for everyone who was praying for me and cheering me on! It was your prayers that kept me going to even finish the race.:)